She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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