so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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