Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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