HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
