I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
