I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
