is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
