Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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