i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
