Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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