Do you still have your period?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
