So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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