I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
