no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
