He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
