I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
