Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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