and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
