is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
