what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
