I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
