I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
