My sheets look like a crime scene.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
