She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She announced her abortion via fbk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
