Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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