please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
