I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
