the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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