with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
