i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
