whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My feet surprised me
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