I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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