(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
