Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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