So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
