I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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