Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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