I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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