i can't believe i had my finger in that
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
