The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
