ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
