I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize