"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
