im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
