fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
