This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
