I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
