I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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