I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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