She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
