I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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