ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
