What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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