It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What a dumb baby whore.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
