so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
