I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
