I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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