Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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