1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Of course I have a pirate flag
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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