Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
