I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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