new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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