He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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