My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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