He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
