I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
