What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
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I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm really busy with my period
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