my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
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i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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