It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
